King Solomon was renowned
for his wealth and wisdom, and is still widely regarded as the richest man that
ever lived. But that’s not all that Solomon Jesse was known for. Because in
addition to his many proverbs were some carefully designated poetries of love
that he devoted much of his time to writing.
In one of the pages of the script, Solomon writes,
“Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!” Songs of Solomon (NLT)
Now! What might those little foxes be?
- Lack of shared interest: Compatibility doesn’t mean that you are the same with your spouse, however, there must be a sense of shared interest between you. There must be something that you both enjoy doing together as a couple. But if the husband doesn’t always (the key word here is always) want to go see a movie when the wife wants to, or the wife doesn’t always want to go on holiday when the husband wants to, then this can be a signal that there’s something wrong with the marriage. It might seem subtle, but it’s a little fox regardless. It can ruin your marriage vine.
- Lack of permission to develop outside friendship: Men especially, still relish spending time ‘with the boys’ and may feel choked if they feel that their wife is not giving them the freedom to do this. Same applies to the womenfolk. Possessive relationship can be hurtful to both parties and is often a sign that self-worth is lacking in the possessive spouse. Couples should be secure enough to allow their spouse space to nurture progressive and productive associations outside of the marriage.
- Lack of general hygiene: Carlos Santana said, “Most people don't have that willingness to break bad habits. They have a lot of excuses and they talk like victims.” If there’s a bad habit that your spouse has been complaining about, for example; peeing on the toilet seat and not wiping it off, piling dishes in the sink, littering the bedroom with your dirty laundry or messing up the sink and mirror with toothpaste. Then you have to intensify your efforts to stop it. Don’t keep making excuses. Just stop it!
- Lack of liberality: One of the biggest enemy of progress is tradition. John Maxwell said, “When it comes to principles, be solid as a rock. But when it comes to taste, swim with the current.” Your views shouldn’t always be the leading view (men are mostly guilty of this), but learn to go with the views of others. Don’t insist in having your own way all of the time or you may find that you win the battle but lose the war.
- Lack of financial sense: Finance is one key area of disagreement in many marriages. Thus, being prudent with money ensures that the foxes of finance doesn't ruin your marriage. It is therefore advisable that couples have a binding agreement about how they will manage their finances so that they are not always out of pocket in times of need. Money gives us access to a lot of good things in life, but we must not get carried away by the lure of this.
- Lack of communication: I think it was Virginia Satir that said, “Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.” Don’t assume that your spouse should understand how you feel, learn to communicate your feelings in a positive and constructive way. But communication isn’t complete without listening, so learn to listen for information, frustration and hope. Then fix it!
- Lack of trust: Love is a gift we are given by our spouse, but trust is a reward we earn from them for being true to that love. Bo Bennett said, “For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.” You cannot keep living deceitfully and expect that you spouse will trust you. That’s a false balance! You have no reason to lie to your spouse. Be open and honest, and they will trust and respect you more.
Albert Einstein hit the nail on the head when he said, “Whoever is careless with the truth in small
matters cannot be trusted with important matters.”
The Marriage Workshop
No comments:
Post a Comment