Thoughts are things!
They proceed from our emotions of love,
disappointments, affirmations, confusions, trust, fear and many other instances
that we may experience in marriage as we try to navigate the route to
fulfilment with our spouse. But we must never assume that thoughts (especially
ones of a negative undertone) are harmless because these thoughts become the
very things that eventually dictate the way we act towards our spouse.
It is not difficult to know what someone is thinking or to
know their thinking pattern. Just check out the things they do, and that would
tell you what they are like on the inside. A very famous passage of the bible
declares "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he..." (Proverbs 23:7a
NLV).
As humans, we've been created in such a way that people
aren't able to see our thoughts, because it is all happening behind the scene.
Be that as it may, they can see and experience our behaviours on the outside.
But behaviour is not isolated, it does not exist alone by itself. Indeed, it is
not divorced. Instead, it is made up, mingled and married to our thoughts.
The truth is that it is an effect that is caused by our
thoughts. Therefore, if our thoughts about the instances and experiences that
arise in our marriage is positive, then our behaviour towards our spouse would
be positive. Yet, if our thoughts about the same is negative, then our
behaviour towards our spouse would be negative.
I discovered that many people don't realise that the word
'negative' is from the root word 'NEGATE', which means to nullify, to
invalidate and to void. It is painful to imagine that some people are
nullifying, invalidating and voiding their own marriages because of the
negative thoughts they hold about their spouse, and the subsequent negative
behaviours that they dissipate regularly. It is unimaginable I know, but the
reality is that many couples who have allowed (and continue to allow) their
negatives thoughts about instances in their marriage to govern their
behaviours, are in essence working against themselves without knowing.
To combat the possibility of this, couples must learn to
refuse and reject negative thoughts from inflaming in their minds to the point
where it dictates their continual actions. Couples must make every conscious
effort to keep their minds stayed on the positives things about their spouse -
as much as possible.
Now! I know this is sometimes easier said than done, but
this is one instance where practice makes perfect. The more we give it a try,
the better we become at it over time. We should do everything within our power
to turn down each negative thought before it becomes a behaviour. The Priest
and reformer Martin Luther said, “You cannot keep birds from flying over your
head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.”
You can’t get a better perspective than that!
Finally, let me leave you with a most powerful scripture in Philippians
4:8, which The Living Bible (TLC) renders in a most compelling way. It says,
"And now, brothers, as I close this letter, let me say
this one more thing:
Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right.
Think about things that are pure and lovely,
and dwell on the fine, good things
in others.
Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about."
