Did I Marry The Wrong Person?

Every relationship has a cycle.  At first, when you fell in love with your spouse, you awaited their call, wanted their touch, and didn’t even mind or bother about their peculiarities. Like most people, you didn’t find it hard falling in love with your spouse. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to do anything. That's why it's called falling in love. It just happens and you are unable to control it. 

People in love sometimes say, I was swept of my feet. Think about the imagery of that expression.  It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened to you. 

Falling in love is easy. It's a rather passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love tends to gradually fade. It's the natural cycle of every relationship. 

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's eccentricities, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?'  

And as you and your spouse reflect on the rapture of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is the point when cracks start to show up in marriages. All of a sudden, people begin to blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfilment. 

Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shape sand sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, pornography, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does not lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. Whilst it is very possible for you to fall in love with someone else during this rough patch in your marriage, it usually is only temporal relief. Because you're more likely to be in the same situation a few years later.

Researchers say that the divorce rate is twice higher in second marriages, and one relationship commentator said,

“THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND

Sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll never just happen to you. You can't find lasting love.  You have to make it happen day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labour of love.'  Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes sacrifice. You have to know what to do to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is not a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits i.e. forgiveness and committing to meet the needs of your spouse will make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable.

Love in marriage is indeed a decision and not just a feeling. 

The man or woman that walks into your life may be God sent. But it is up to you to decide if you let them walk away or stay.

The Marriage Workshop