The Marriage Workshop: 2017-04-30

Like most couples today, Lucy and Charles enjoyed 12 months of courtship before they got married. As their time of courtship was memorable, it was impossible to envisage any future problems.

But unfortunately, a month into their marriage, Charles had a one night stand with his ex. Lucy could not get past this, she completely blocked him off despite his pleas for forgiveness. This unhappy incident was having such a huge effect on Lucy that her mum eventually found out about it because she always seemed besides herself. Weeks after she found out, Lucy’s mum and her younger sister decided to move in with Charles and Lucy (despite his reluctance), but he had regrettably lost his voice because of his infidelity.

Lucy’s family had nursed this idea to frustrate the marriage and get Charles out of the house. As you can expect, this development had the most horrific impact on their married life. Lucy took side with her mum and sister and they persistently gave Charles a hard time in his own home. After sometime, as things became unbearable for Charles, he decided he had to move out of the matrimonial home – wasn’t at all a good start. However, their Pastor intervened and on his counsel, they reunited on the condition that Lucy’s mum and her sister moved out. Obviously, that wasn’t easy and it didn’t go well, but they moved out nonetheless.

About a year later Lucy made friends with Grace who was a very bad influence and it didn’t matter what Charles said about her company with Grace, Lucy did not listen. To make matters worse, Charles lost his job and had to depend on Lucy who really made him feel less of a man for 10 months. This time he lost his respect and couldn’t even speak in the house.

By this time, Lucy had started keeping late nights and Charles wasn’t sure what to think or do. One evening, he confronted her and they had a massive fight – worst ever. Lucy hurt herself with an instrument she aimed at Charles and their neighbours called the police. Charles was charged for grievous bodily harm and he was put in prison for 3 months – Lucy never visited him nor sent him money.

When he was released, he didn’t want to go home but he remembered his marital vows, and went home. On getting home, he discovered that Grace (Lucy’s bad friend) had moved into the house because her husband had chased her out. Not wishing to create a scene, Charles took it in the chin and laid low for a few weeks until he got himself a job and then asked Lucy to tell Grace to move out. But Lucy refused. Charles made up his mind to live in the house, but like a stranger. It was hard but for about 2 years he had nothing to do with Lucy – no sex, no food, no collaborating, no communication etc. They were just house mates.

Lucy and Grace would go out and keep late nights but Charles couldn’t comment for fear of escalating issues. He would leave home before dawn and return late at night, but one unbelievably thing he never failed to do each night when he returns was to peep through the door to make sure that Lucy was fine and asleep before he goes to bed. Unless of course it was one of those days that she kept late nights.

When Lucy got fed up with the arrangement, instigated by Grace, she filed for divorce. Charles almost signed the papers but changed his mind in the last minute.

After some time, Lucy’s childhood friend and bridesmaid Esther relocated to the same country where the couple were and got in touch with Lucy. Knowing the potential positive influence that Esther could have on their marriage, Charles encouraged her to move in with them for a while seeing that her family were still abroad. He told her what had been happening and how they needed intervention. Esther agreed to help them through their issues and the rest is a story. She started by chasing out the intruder, Grace, which gave her room to start to positively influence Lucy. About 6 months later, Esther’s assignment was completed.

All these happened within 7 years. During this period, they obviously couldn’t have children because you could count on your fingers the number of times they had sex. But having been through all these, Lucy and Charles are unbelievably back together again as one – just like in their days of courtship. To crown it all, they took their first holiday today and just before the end of the holiday, Lucy discovered she was pregnant.

What an icing on the cake!

Who would have thought they could ever be reconciled… Can these dry bones indeed live again!

It doesn’t matter how bad things have gone, one person has to decide to be matured enough to make the first move. Who knows, resolving your conflict might just be what you both need to unlock your blessing. If Lucy and Charles can work through their difference, YOU too can.

Truly, resolved conflicts can release your blessings!

What didn’t they do well that we can learn from?

1. Their conflicts were not resolved in a timely manner, instead they were left to mount up until things became very complicated. Conflicts and arguments won’t necessarily jeopardise a relationship. In fact, there are times when disagreements can actually bring a couple closer together. The key is in how you and your partner decide to handle the conflict.

2. They didn’t have conflict resolution skills. They fought and stayed hating each other, and sometimes holding grudges for years. After endless arguments with no resolution in sight, they froze emotionally and shut down.

3. Lucy focused on attacking and frustrating Charles for his sins rather than fighting the real enemy. You need to focus on the problem and deal with it rather than fighting yourselves, which makes the enemy glory over you.

4. Forgiveness cannot be over emphasised. Forgive! Be quick to forgive!

5. Keep intruders away especially if they are not at peace with one party in the relationship because the relationship will suffer as a result. Remember that from the day you get married, you must cleave from your relatives and friends to your spouse, so that the two of you can become one.