No Limits To Forgiveness

My wife and I are blessed with three wonderful children, and there isn’t a day that goes by without us giving thanks for the heritage we have in them. But that’s the fun bit! The not so fun bit is that hardly does a day pass without one of them (at least) making us feel like; ‘what on God’s earth did you do that for, how could you be so cruel to your sister. Haven’t you taken on board anything that I’ve told you about accommodating your siblings?’ 

We fume and rage. Withdraw some of their privileges and sentence them to an early night for the rest of the week. But no sooner than this (in fact by the next morning), as they wake up with that 'sorry-child face' apology, like, ‘mummy I’m really very sorry for spoiling your evening last night, I will never do it again – I promise’. We forgive them, even though we have lost count of how many times in the past they’ve made such failed promises.

Forgiveness Heals

This statement by Bell Hooks, the American author holds much sway in this regard. She said, “For me, forgiveness and compassion are always linked: how do we hold people accountable for wrongdoing and yet at the same time remain in touch with their humanity enough to believe in their capacity to be transformed?”. Thus, we keep forgiving our children of their many wrongdoings in the belief that they will one day turn change. 

The more I think about it, the more I see that our penultimate interest as parents is to have a connection with our children. Hence, our primary desire more than having them obey principles is to maintain a good relationship with them. This is why our well of forgiveness is limitless towards them. And I believe it should be the same for married couples.

Matthew wrote in the 18^th chapter verses 21 and 22 of The Scriptures how that Peter asked Jesus a question about forgiveness. He said, “…, Lord, if my brother keeps on sinning against me, how many times do I have to forgive him? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” answered Jesus, “but seventy times seven.”

Of course, rules do exist in marriage to help us keep from straying off boundary, in other words, we can’t just do whatever we like, expecting our spouse to overlook our wrongdoings. But if our utmost care is for a right relationship and love, then we wouldn’t fix our attention on what I call ‘the sin chart’, and being judgemental. Instead, we would centre our hearts on forgiveness without limits, because we love our spouse more than principles. Because of this, we wouldn't think like Hillary Clinton who said “In the Bible it says they asked Jesus how many times you should forgive, and he said 70 times 7. Well, I want you all to know that I'm keeping a chart.” But we would think like Bryant McGill that said “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love." 

Hold Me Close

Forgiveness is an act of the will. It is not a feeling but a choice. And like rivers of water, when allowed to flow through the heart, it constantly refreshes the dryness of love that couples occasionally experience in marriage.

Martin Luther King Jr said “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

The Marriage Workshop