DIVORCE PAPERS

Today, our world has glamourised divorce.

They've made divorce to look trendy and cool that, at times, it seems and feels like a mere change of clothes the way some people disdain marriage through their unchecked desires. It’s a state of affairs that's largely encouraged by the growing number of relationship charlatans who pose as counsellors, lawyers and expects - but rather than mend hearts and restore relationships, they promote separation. However, what they usually don't tell you is the prolonged heartbreak that lingers despite having signed the divorce papers. They make you believe that leaving your husband or wife in search of another so called "Mr Right" or "The Right Woman" is the only credible path to finding the happiness that you've always dreamed of. Conversely, the reality for most people who have heeded such misleading counsel and done away with their marriage is often that the hope of happiness remains but a mirage. 

Researches tell us that the rate of divorce in second marriages is about 25% higher than in first marriages. That's very scary especially if you consider that the rate of divorce in first marriages varies between 42% - 71% depending on respective country. For example, Belgium has a divorce rate of 71%, Hungary is 67%, Spain is 61%, France is 55%, the USA is 53% and England is 42%. Hence, when you put together the lower end divorce rate of 42% and the 25% divorce rate for second marriages, you get a bleak picture of the destiny of many second marriages.

Divorce leaves a lingering scare that time often can’t heal: therein lies the problem. It was the late Dr Myles Munroe that said divorce is like death, except, there's no burial. Essentially, when somebody dies, there's a funeral and a burial which leads to a closure for most people, but with divorce, although the marriage dies, however there's no true closure because the person keeps showing up everywhere. You bump into them at the train station on the way to work. You may run into them in the local shop or supermarket every now and then. Or, you may bump into them at the airport. It gets even trickier if children are involved, you hardly can move on. Thus, so many people in such situations are forced to relive the pain of the divorce because they just can't shake off this person they're supposed to be separated from. In the end, what many thoughts was a gateway to happiness turns out to be a drawn-out period of heartache.

You may think that divorce is the conclusion of the matter, but alas, this is farfetched.

As I write this short piece, the story of Mr Hugh and Mrs Tini Owens hit the headlines at around lunchtime on Wednesday 25th July 2018. It introduced the "Woman in 'lifeless marriage denied divorce by court" – and it really caught my eye!

According to Sky News, the couple had been married for 40 years and the woman wants to end it because of her husband’s unreasonable behaviour and the breakdown of their marriage. But interestingly, the Supreme Court in the UK refused her case because, apparently, you can only divorce your spouse by UK law if you've been separated for 5 years. That was an interesting discovery for me - I have to say!

The report also highlighted the fact that two years ago, a lower court (Family Court) had described her complaints as "flimsy and exaggerated" thereby rejecting her allegations and refusing her case for divorce. Her husband, Mr Owens who is 80 years old denies all her allegations and claims that the only thing that could have broken down their marriage was her affair or perhaps her boredom state. 

Mrs Owens is 68 years old and her lawyer said the judges were not "forward-thinking" and that they should've reached a decision that's "fit with the current social mores". He went further to say that Mrs Owens is unable to progress with her life of liberty from her husband because of the Supreme Court's decision. I suspect that the next thing we'd probably see is a direct push from lobbyists for a change in the law. And we all are witnesses to the constant battering that the marriage institution has had to endure in this regard.

Some may argue that it's her life and she's free to do as she pleases with it. I don’t begrudge that! Yet I'm mindful that if several courts at different levels have reached the same conclusion with her case, then isn't that a tell-tale sign that she's the problem?

To me, there's no use in passing around a problem, it's best to fix it. Someone should point her to The Marriage Workshop for some fixing.

Sometimes, divorce may look like the most viable option for your marriage but have you tried forgiveness? Forgiveness is the weld of every fulfilling marriage, it is not a feeling but a choice.

Rather than running away from your marriage why not trust God to help you fight for it. 

The Marriage Workshop