I teach my
children that time is the currency of life. That if well utilised, time will
give them abundant yields in life. Because the conditions we see today comes
from yesterday’s enterprise, and whatever conditions we’ll see tomorrow will
surely proceed from our actions today. In other words, tomorrow (time
future) is produced by today (time present), which was produced by yesterday
(time past). However, since yesterday is gone, wisdom demands that we should
not allow whatever happened in the past to hold us back from devoting our
current time towards a brighter and more fulfilling future life with our
family.
Earl Nightingale, one of my favourite author wrote something very
profound. He said, “Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now.
Don't wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future.
Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it's at work
or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savoured.”
There are things that we cannot control in life, and sometimes these
things happen out of no fault of ours. But that’s the more reason why we should
learn not to beat ourselves up about it by allowing that disappointment to
dictate our attitude. Because that could potentially ruin the future of our family.
Come to think of it! Everyone alive is going through one challenge or another,
but the difference perhaps is in how they’ve chosen to react to it. Some tend
to take a more optimistic view of their problems, which I call a ‘response’,
whilst others tend to take a more pessimistic view of their problems, which I
call a ‘reaction’.
Here’s what I mean by that!
When you go to see a doctor for checkup and the doctor, after giving a
diagnosis of your condition, will usually follow this up with a form of medication
or another. Now! During the course of your medication, the doctor will ask to
see you again to determine if there’s been an improvement in your condition. If
when they reexamine you and you seem not to be getting better, but the
condition has maybe gone worse because you’ve developed a side effect to the
medication. You are said to be ‘reacting’ to treatment. In other words, there’s
a downturn in your condition. On the contrary, if after reexamining you the
doctor determines that the medication has worked and there’s an improvement in
your condition. You are said to be ‘responding’ to treatment. In other words,
there’s an upturn in your condition.
In the same way, you will either have a reaction or a response to the
events that happen in your life depending on your disposition. You will either be
an initiator or a reactor.
10 steps to help YOU grow!
1.
Put things in
perspective: Owen Feltham, the English writer said, “Meditation is the soul’s
perspective glass.” Wow! That is so true! After the waves have calmed, and the
boisterous winds cease, we pause to see that it wasn’t all that bad after all.
Hence, when we take that time to think deeply (in a positive way) about the
causes of our disappointments, we find that as sure as night and day is, we are
all the more wiser for having been through it. And knowing this affirms our
hope for the future.
2.
Be thankful: Brian Tracey said, “Develop
an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you,
knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and
better than your current situation.” With the waking of every morning comes
sunshine, and being alive can only truly be celebrated with the heart of thankfulness.
Don’t allow the things you’ve lost in the past to murk your sight of the things
that are yet to come. For hope is by far the greatest assurance we have that
tomorrow will be better than yesterday.
3.
Rethink your
expectations: Not only do we have expectations of ourselves, we tend also to have certain
expectations of others like our spouse and children. More often than not, these
people fall short of some of the high standards that we demand of them, and
this causes us huge disappointments at times. But sometimes, we’ve got to weigh
and appropriate the demands we place on others vis their ability to supply
those demands. I don’t know why Antonio Banderas said, “Expectation is the
mother of all frustration”, but it strikes me that he may be right about that.
4.
Set your mind on higher
things: Occasionally, in our time of most vulnerability, we can get so
subservient to our feelings of dejection that we become almost paralysed by the
negative emotions it brings. However, if we learn to focus on things outside of
ourselves – on higher things. For example, the promise of a fulfilling marriage
that we share with our spouse, or the thrill of seeing our children do well in
life. They can reignite our appetite to grow out of our frustration. The American
nun, artist and educator Corita Kent said, “Flowers grow out of dark moments.”
5.
Bottom down your
mistakes: True progress can only begin when we take responsibility for our
attitudes and stop blaming someone else for what happened to us. Recognize that
you could have done better and this would help you to be smarter and more
effective the next time. “The greatest day in your life and
mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we
truly grow up.” – John Maxwell.
6.
Arrest your dominant pessimistic
thought: “No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an
uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.” – Helen Keller. If
anybody should know this, it would be Helen. The first deaf-blind person to
earn a Bachelor of Arts Degree. Although, she wasn’t born blind or deaf, however,
she suffered what was thought to be meningitis when she was 19 months old and it
was this infection that made her blind and deaf. Nonetheless, it didn’t stop
her from becoming a history maker.
7.
Change what you can
about you: They say that change is a constant thing in life. It’s true! We cannot
solve tomorrows problems or challenges with the failed solutions of yesterday.
To be ready for the challenges ahead, we must be willing to change our approach
to things. No point in making excuses for your weaknesses, go to work and see
what you can do to reform yourself. If you don’t change, nothing else will. And
you might end up getting the same outcomes all of the time.
8.
Accept the things you
cannot change about your past: Every time you think about what’s happened in the
past, does it fill you with acrimony, bitterness and miff? It could be a sign
that you’ve not yet let go of the past. And your future growth will stay stunted
if you fail to gain control of your emotions. Yesterday is gone, so let it go! Move
on from what happened, and take control of your future. Don’t be a slave to
your past. Accept that you cannot change your past, and allow the fresh wind of
hope to overflow your horizon.
9.
Remember someone cares
about you: It is tempting to sometimes be submerged into your own little world of
pain and misery, where it seems no one truly understands what you are passing
through. But far from it; family, friends, colleagues and neighbour’s do really care about you. Pope John Paul II said, “Marriage
is an act of will that signifies and involves a mutual gift, which unites the
spouses and binds them to their eventual souls, with whom they make up a sole
family - a domestic church.” Your family is your greatest support unit, reach
out to them in your darkest hour and they will help you through it all. Like Bill
Withers song goes, “Lean on me, when you’re
not strong. I’ll be our friend. I’ll help you carry on…”
10.
Fortify yourself against
future disappointments: Remain watchful and vigilant of yourself and
other so that whatever makes you vulnerable to disappointing situations does
not keep reoccurring. Lessen the returning of unwanted situations by taking
charge. It’s your life, your time, your future; so protect yourself from the
pitfalls of habitual setbacks. William Arthur Ward said, “The
pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the
realist adjusts the sails.”
Now! Let me wrap this up with a
powerful statement from Florence Nightingale, in which she said, “Live your
life while you have it. Life is a splendid gift. There is nothing small in it.
Far the greatest things grow by God's law out of the smallest. But to live your
life, you must discipline it.”
The Marriage Workshop
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